The Four Agreements book it’s about overcoming the “human domestication” we have accepted from birth and creating a “new dream” where happiness is possible.
According to Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of The Four Agreements. A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom –A Toltec Wisdom Book– we can create a new reality that differs from the suffering and hardship we have learned to accept that life is.
It’s the belief system embedded in childhood the author calls a “dream” that he incites you to change.
He explains that we must deprogram, detach and break free from the ideas we have learned from our parents and society and change our perspective.
The ideas in this book promise to make your life better, and why not, happy.
Let me explain how the author demonstrates this is possible.
Create a New Dream
Ruiz explains that as humans, we can “dream,” which means we interpret reality according to a set of rules to understand the world. He also talks about the “dream of the planet,” a “collective memory” we all share.
He says:
The dream of the plant includes our cultural norms, beliefs, social structure, lost language, traditions, etc. The dream of the world was created throughout generations, meaning that each of us is born into that pre-structure framework of society. As humans, we’re born with the inherent capacity to dream.
As children, we have not rebelled or derived unique thoughts. We are instead taught through a system of rewards and punishments in the same manner you will train a dog or cat the correct way to behave in society.
Accepting, agreeing, and obeying societal rules is what Ruiz defines as “human domestication.”
This human domestication, along with the system of punishments and rewards, shapes our behavior, and without realizing it, we are imprisoned in a structure we never created but accepted naturally.
Suddenly, we are trapped in suffering while pleasing society, our parents, and everybody.
To receive positive attention and praise to conform to the mold of our parents and society’s beliefs. As a result, we become a little carbon copy of our predecessors – the author explains.
We must create a new dream for ourselves. Keep reading to discover how.
Eliminate the “Judge” and the “Victim”
These two charters are inside our minds, and their existence makes us suffer. Meanwhile, we must eliminate their influence on us.
The system of reward and punishment reinforces the “judge” and the “victim.”
Don Ruiz says:
We have an internal judge who assesses external factors. The judge tells us that we didn’t complete something well enough or that we deserve to be punished or to feel guilty.
We also have a victim mentality. That tells us we’re not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, athletic enough, etc.
He says that the judge and the victim are built is the belief system imposed on us by society, and they are “the core of our suffering.”
He continues:
Because we feel vulnerable, we act as our own worse critics in achieving the ideal, self-perpetuating a system of negativity as a means of protecting ourselves from the pain of societal judgment.
Change the idea that the world is hell.
Following the idea that our beliefs are learned and embedded and we assume everything is true, Don Ruiz challenges us by saying:
We have taken the constant war and ugliness of the world for granted and assume that life on earth will always be this way.
We have assumed this can’t be changed. This state of hell goes against human nature, which constantly seeks justice, beauty, and truth.
Our blind faith in societal facts and beliefs prevents us from being able to see and understand what is really around us.
To change these pre-conceived ideas, he asks us to change “the dream” and create a one where happiness is part of it.
The author proposes four agreements providing you “enough personal power to revamp your entire belief system and create a new dream.”
Practice the Four Agreements
First Agreement
Be impeccable with your word
Words have the power to destroy or construct and are “double edge swords.” –the author says.
The book states that being impeccable with your word means that “you cannot use words in a manner that reflects negativity on yourself and others.”
The author recommends:
“keeping our opinion to ourselves. Your opinion is representative of your point of view, your beliefs, and your dream.” It will also prevent gossip and conflict.
Second Agreement
Don’t take anything personal
The above is a critical point and the cause of so much suffering and is related to people’s opinions of you.
Don Ruiz assures that “when someone says something negative about you, it is a reflection on themselves. Not a reflection on you.
If someone tells you are stupid, you should not take offense. o Their saying is a way of coping with something and thus is a reflection of themselves.
If you ever take someone else’s opinion personally, it is because, on some level, you agree with whatever was said.
He continues and concludes that the only opinion that matter is the one you have for yourself. And if you make self-defense, you are “looking for affirmation.”
According to the book, society is addicted to suffering, and you must avoid this.
For example, if someone you know is not kind to you, you should walk away. Leaving them may create initial pain but will protect you from longer-term suffering.
This habit will make you less angry, jealous, and less reactive.
The book states:
We are no longer played by anger or jealousy; we feel increased self-confidence that spurs any sadness or fear of rejection.
The bubble of positive emotion creates a personal shield from hell, making you immune to the black magic of gossip and the emotional poison of others.
Third Agreement
Don’t make assumptions
Don Ruiz says that making assumptions leads to misunderstanding, drama, and suffering. The right thing is to have the courage and ask questions to clarify any situation.
He also advises against the gossip that results from assumption since this is poison.
We can’t assume someone will do what we want them to do just because they know us well. This leads to unnecessary pain.
All your relationships, romantic or otherwise, will be improved through the increase of transparency and communication.
Also, he warns: “Don’t assume things about yourself.”
For example, he explains:
You should not assume you can complete a project. If you discover that you are unable to complete it you will feel disappointed in yourself. If you instead take the time to ask relevant questions to see if you are capable, you will better set yourself up for success.
Fourth Agreement
Always do your best
Doing your best doesn’t mean competing with others. It means competing with yourself. And it’s different to give it all since you may consume too much energy and abandon the habit.
He explains:
Doing your best is a long-term game that will ultimately protect you from self-judgment and guilt.
It’s an intrinsic motivator. Rather than working towards an external reward, work towards your success and fulfillment. Work towards being good to yourself and the people around you.
The author says that when you feel satisfied with yourself, you don’t need to “escape on weekends by getting drunk or otherwise clouding the senses.”
And more importantly, when you do your best, you silence the internal judge.
As he says:
It teaches you to accept yourself for both your successes and your failures and to forgive yourself for what you are.
Doing your best should make you happy.
The first three agreements depend on this one.
Doing your best is about repetition and creating a habit. Thru that repetition, you will see personal freedom, self-love, and respect and to have a beautiful and fulfilling life. –the book affirms.
Conclusion
The practice of the Four Agreements will create a habit in you for less suffering and self-acceptance thru the elimination of the judge and the victim we have in our minds.
These agreements based on the Toltec wisdom aim to free you from the pre-conceived ideas imposed by society that you have passively accepted as true.
By being implacable and not hurting yourself or others with words; not taking the opinion of others personally; asking questions for clarification; and always doing your best, anyone can create a life with less conflict, less anger, less confusion, and more fulfillment.
Contrary to what we have been taught to be the reality of pain and suffering, we can create a different, unique, happy dream.
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